I’m a loner, and my social circle is very small. It mainly consists of my family members and a couple of good friends. And I don’t want any friends except for those few loyal people I’ve known for decades.
Maybe you relate to this experience and wonder if it’s okay to not want any friends. Humans are social animals, right? Then why do you feel like you are better off without social life?
Let’s explore the reasons for this and answer whether it’s wrong to not need friendships.
Why do I feel like I don’t want friends?
1. You are extremely introverted
We’ve repeatedly talked about the things that make an introvert the way they are. Introversion doesn’t equal being socially inept or not wanting any friends or social life.
However, there are some people who lie on the extreme of the extroversion-introversion spectrum. They may also have schizoid tendencies. You can read more about it in my book The Power of Misfits: How to Find Your Place in a World You Don’t Fit In.
Being extremely introverted means that you find solitary activities much more fulfilling than socializing with other people. You find solitude rewarding to such an extent that you feel like you are better off without friends and social life.
It may seem to you that other people just take your inner peace away, so spending time with them is a waste of time.
2. You’ve been hurt in the past, so you no longer have time for nonsense
You may also end up not wanting any friends if you’ve been betrayed or hurt in the past. Maybe your best friend fell in love with your girlfriend or you found out that all your friends were fake and were just using you.
Not only do traumatic situations like these bring a profound disappointment in people, but they also leave a mark on your ability to trust those around you. Without trust, there can be no real friendship.
This could be the reason why you feel like you don’t need friends. In reality, you are afraid to get hurt again.
3. You find meaning in other things
As we said, not everyone finds socializing fulfilling enough. Some people devote themselves fully to their families or work, and this brings them happiness.
Thus, if you have someone or something that fills your life with meaning, this could be the reason why you are fine with having no friends. In fact, studies demonstrate that the adverse effects of social exclusion can be mediated by a sense of purpose. Therefore, you might believe that your purpose is to be a good parent or to make the world a better place through your job.
It could also mean that your family or co-workers fulfill your needs for socializing.
If you are an introvert who is living a meaningful life, you might feel like there is no place for friendships in it. You are already following your purpose and have people you care about. So why bother making new friends if you already have someone to talk to?
After all, letting more people into your life would require time and energy you don’t have. Thus, you may find friendships and social activities not worthy or meaningful enough.
Is there something wrong with me if I don’t want friends or social life?
When I was a student, the people I hanged out with back then used to say, “Come on, you need to socialize more! You need to expand your circle!” I was confused because I believed that they were right, but I just couldn’t overcome myself and become more social.
A few years later, I realized that I didn’t really want to socialize more. “I don’t want friends, I don’t need a social life, and I’m fine with it”. It was the most liberating truth I ever realized.
We often pursue the wrong things as a result of social conditioning. An extremely introverted person, a loner, a social misfit can easily fall into this trap, especially at a young age.
We often hear the phrase, “Human is a social animal”. It programs us to believe that we all need to have a certain number of friends and a certain dose of socializing. But the problem is that we are all different people with different needs.
Your need for solitude may be greater than your desire to interact with other people. And there is nothing wrong with it.
So if you worry whether it’s okay to not want friends, ask yourself a very simple question:
“Am I happy without friends?”
If you feel that you are living a fulfilling life, even if there is not much socializing in it, then you have nothing to worry about.
In other words, if nothing is missing from your life, then you are on the right path. Even if it looks weird in the eyes of other people.
