Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?
This popular meme has more truth in it than you would think. If you feel tired of being nice, there are ways to get your life back.
It’s good to be nice to other people. Our world desperately needs more kindness and empathy.
But when being nice costs you your mental wellbeing, it’s a totally different story. This is when you turn into a people pleaser. Aren’t you tired of being nice to everyone while neglecting your own needs?
Signs You Are Being Too Nice
- Do you struggle to say no and set boundaries?
- Do other people constantly ask you for favors and turn to you for help?
- Are you used to putting others first?
- Are you prone to feeling unappreciated and taken for granted?
- Do you tend to sweep your emotional problems under the rug?
- Do you seek reassurance from others before doing something for yourself?
- Are you afraid of disappointing those around you?
If you relate to the above, there are a few things you can do to stop being a people pleaser and bring more balance into your life.
Aren’t You Tired of Being Nice? 8 Things to Do
1. Know your boundaries
When you are used to succumbing to other people’s needs, you may not even know where your boundaries lie. Be it doing someone a favor or tolerating a friend’s disrespectful behavior, you automatically do what makes others comfortable.
Therefore, next time someone tries to exploit your kindness, ask yourself:
- Is their behavior/question making me uncomfortable?
- Would I rather not do what they are asking for?
- Are they overstepping the line?
Answering these questions will help you make sense of how you feel about the situation.
2. Find patterns
Recall situations from your past where you had to do things just to seem nice and not disappoint others.
Does your boss often ask you to work late? Do your co-workers always turn to you when a problem pops up? Is your friend constantly using you as a crying shoulder but won’t be there when you need help?
There may be repeating situations when others exploit your kindness. This is what happens when you are always nice to everyone and can’t say no. People take you and your help for granted. That’s why you end up feeling unappreciated and tired of being nice.
3. Don’t say yes
Here comes the difficult part. Knowing your boundaries and recognizing the situations when others overstep them is not enough if you are tired of being nice. If you want to stop being a people pleaser, you should learn to say no and voice your boundaries.
I know how difficult it is when you are used to saying yes and agreeing with everyone. So, start small. You don’t need to say a clear no or sound intimidating in an attempt to protect your boundaries. Just use an indirect answer or an excuse when someone asks you for a favor:
Can we talk some other time? I’m in the middle of something right now.
It’s not a good moment. I need to take the kids from school.
I will think about it and let you know.
I’m not sure, let me see.
In other words, start with avoiding saying an immediate yes.
4. Voice your boundaries
Are you tired of being nice to your friends and family? Sometimes they take advantage of your kindness unintentionally. This is when voicing your boundaries is particularly important.
You see, when you are always nice to everyone, people may not even think that something is wrong. They assume that you are okay with doing what they are asking for. Since you never voice your opinion or go against their wants, it doesn’t even cross their mind that you may not be happy with helping them.
So, be honest and tell your friend that you are not okay with their behavior. If they care about you, they will understand. They may not have the slightest idea that you are tired of being nice!
5. Revise your social circle
As a people pleaser, you may keep certain individuals in your life just out of habit or because you feel obliged to stay in contact with them. You hate to disappoint others so much that you prefer to tolerate toxic and annoying people than cut ties.
Take a look at your social circle. Do you truly enjoy the company of the people you hang out with? Do you have a great time with them and feel encouraged and happy in their company? Or is there someone you’d rather not meet up with, but you do because this friendship feels obligatory?
There could be someone who always criticizes you. Or a person who imposes their opinions on you. Or a friend you’ve outgrown, so you don’t have anything in common anymore.
The presence of such people in your life could be a part of the problem. Aren’t you tired of being nice to everyone, including those you don’t belong with?
6. Get rid of one-sided friendships
But an even bigger problem is the friendship of convenience.
Do you have friends who call you only when they need something? Is someone in your life always in trouble, so you rescue them time after time? Are your friends willing to listen to you, or are you the only one who listens? Do they want to know how you are doing, or do they talk only about themselves?
These are the signs of a one-sided friendship. Such connections don’t bring any value to your life. So, sit and think about whether you need such “friends”. Maybe you’d be better off without them? Aren’t you tired of being nice to people who just use you?
7. Practice self-praise and work on your self-esteem
The root of being a people pleaser lies in low self-esteem. In essence, you lack the assertiveness to stand up for yourself. So, if you feel tired of being nice, you need to work on your self-esteem.
There are many ways you could improve it, but one of the simplest is practicing self-praise. If you feel like other people undervalue your effort and take you for granted, start with yourself. Do you ever praise yourself? Or do you only hear your inner critic?
So, if you are tired of being nice to others, start being nice to yourself. Pick a couple of positive things you did today and praise yourself for these small accomplishments. This may be as simple as finishing a report at work or tipping a waitress.
Self-praise helps you feel appreciated and valued, and this is exactly what you need.
Here are a few guides that could help you improve your self-esteem:
- Not Feeling Good Enough? 5 Reasons Why You Feel This Way & What to Do
- 70 Negative Self-Talk Examples That Kill Your Self-Esteem
- 6 Causes of Feeling Invisible and How to Overcome Them
- 44 Powerful Affirmations for Confidence and Self-Esteem
8. Do things for yourself
Are you tired of being nice? Maybe you neglect your own needs and don’t even realize it.
When was the last time you did something for yourself? Do you ever spend time alone, just to enjoy some silence and put your thoughts in order? Do you constantly cancel or postpone your plans in order to make others happy?
It’s time you do something for yourself. Go to that movie alone if others want to watch something else. Cancel your social plans and enjoy a day of relaxation at home instead. Get yourself that telescope you’ve long dreamed of.
Aren’t you tired of being nice to others? Maybe you should be nice to yourself first?
Featured image by upklyak on Freepik